The Dilemma of Human Wholeness

Although I cannot say for certain, I do not think that plants and animals hold different versions of themselves, or different worlds within themselves, created intentionally or not. Their inner and outer worlds are the same. Not so with humans. This is one way that we are created in the image and likeness of God. Our job is to become the likeness, to become complete, to become whole. But becoming who we are by following the Inner Guides, developing into who and what we are to become, is one place where religion and society can fail us.

To know ourselves we must live into who we are. This requires discovering and knowing our shadows. Society often does not tolerate much difference within the closer circles. What the differences are determines how close we allow them to get to us. Our familial, religious, cultural, and political groups and leaders are our primary code makers. When what our soul needs for wholeness differs from what is acceptable to the various circles we inhabit, there is a dilemma.

The closest circle is the family, and this group is made of circles within circles and interconnected circles. We are born into a family as were our parents. We will possibly have a family of our own, as will our siblings. Some couples will separate and form other families. This basic social group can be quite complex, being homogeneous or integrating individuals of differing religious, social, economic, racial, or ethnic backgrounds. The family can mirror a local society or reflect a broader perspective. For good or ill, our family is where we get our earliest instructions on what is expected of us. Then follows the culture we are in, perhaps a religion, the education systems, and whatever other influences we are exposed to.

What do we do when who we are or are becoming is not acceptable to the social world in which we find ourselves? How far do we push the boundaries that define who a person is and what they can do? Does a person have to live in secret in order not to make their family uncomfortable? Do individuals in society have the right to punish, including eliminate, others who are crossing the boundaries of society? Understand that I am not talking about psychopaths or sociopaths, or harmful illegal activities such as manufacturing and distributing fentanyl, or terrorism.

Society, beginning with the family, has an obligation to protect the safety and well-being of those for whom it is responsible. But really, how dangerous are the differences that we fear? Do they actually threaten us? Or is it possible that what is threatened is our perception of the world, and maybe even of ourselves? Is protecting these perceptions, these ideas, worth destroying another human being?

What are the real threats? One threat is that by not knowing and integrating our shadows we tend to kill what we are not willing to see in ourselves by killing what we do not want to see in others.

The universe is magnificent, and the earth-organism, including us, is incredible. Yet the earth is such a minuscule speck that should it burn up, either by environmental decimation or nuclear war, it would not be noticed, except by the Creator, who is love and loves what it imagines.

Can we imagine loving that part of ourselves that we keep hidden in the dark pit of our soul? Can we imagine loving those who live contrary to the codes of the family and society? Can we imagine loving what the Creator imagines? What would our world be like if I stopped running with the herd and took the time to know and love myself—all of me? Could I then love my neighbor, especially if they are not like me? We each decide whether to live in half-darkness and fear or live in the Light and love as Christ loved.   

Forgiveness in 12-Step Recovery

Writing about forgiveness is difficult for me because, like the Divine and unconditional love, complete forgiveness is almost beyond my ability to fully comprehend. One hurdle can be acceptance. Is forgiveness incomplete until acceptance of the present moment has occurred? I have heard this said by others but had not experienced it from a personal psychological and spiritual perspective, mainly because I had not been injured by another to a degree that it was difficult to forgive. Oddly enough, this experience came about when faced with the truth that I had not forgiven myself for a past action that hurt someone, although I had made amends to the best of my ability. My side of the street had been swept and there were no resentments towards the other person. Then I realized that they had blocked me from their life. With this new realization that the injury to the other had been more than I had been aware of, the remorse returned. I found that I had not fully forgiven myself, though through both faith and experience I knew that God had forgiven me.

How did I know that I had not fully forgiven myself? Because I still felt regret. Complete serenity and peace eluded me. These uncomfortable feelings were not overwhelming, in part because I do live by the spiritual principles of 12-Step recovery and had made amends. But there was a low level of discomfort that increased when triggered by a couple of events. At this point it seemed prudent to examine where I may have missed something for which an amend would be in order. As I searched my conscience, I felt that I was clear as nothing new came to mind.

Then the Light turned a bit and showed me that even before this new awareness of the hurt I had caused I had not forgiven myself. The act was incomplete—I had not accepted the situation as it had been, including the other person, myself, or my actions at the time, which made it impossible to accept things as they are now.

This lack of acceptance had kept me bound to the past, making it impossible to be completely free in the present. As I mentioned earlier, this was not a major disrupter in my life. But it did keep me from the freedom, peace, and serenity that were awaiting me when I accepted myself and the situation as we were then. It was like being on a boat whose anchor is stuck on the bottom of the sea keeping the boat from moving. Acceptance is like cutting the anchor’s line, freeing the boat to move on.

Acceptance does not mean that we approve of the injury/offence/assault that occurred. It simply says that my forgiveness is not conditional on anyone else but me. With acceptance, as sorrowful as the past event may be, I am released from the bondage that bound me to the transgression, whether the transgression was mine or the other’s. This is an act of faith and trust which allows me to let go of judging myself or them.

I am grateful that the Divine is part of all relationships and that our Higher Power wants us to be whole. I am also grateful that, if we are willing, the Light will show us what we need to see when we can see it, while all the time loving us regardless of anything else. It is this Love that I can abandon myself to.

Daniel+